Read My Heart
by ShiverBunny
Summary: Raina is a reincarnate. After being brutally murdered by a vampire tracker and being separated from her family in 1918, her soul wandered, waiting to be placed. After almost 90 years, Raina is reborn. She's a social outcast but when certain circumstances force new people into her life how will she cope and what secrets will be uncovered? Rated T for mature themes. ON HIATUS
1. Prologue

I couldn't breathe. The world was spinning out of control. Tears blurred my vision and I gasped for air. Even the smallest amount of oxygen slipped away as soon as I breathed it in. It was no use, nothing could help me.

' _Why did_ he _leave me here alone?'_ That thought repeated over and over until I couldn't take it anymore. Memories broke through and stole my vision. The sound of distant laughter pulled me farther in as memories of happier times filtered through. Memories from a different century.

My fists clenched and a sharp sting brought me back to the present. I looked down and saw blood coating my palm, a sharp razor blade tinted red resting limply in my hand. I cried harder as I remembered what I was doing on my bathroom floor.

The pain was just too much. I knew the only way to feel better was to end it all. How was I supposed to live when the my reason for living was gone? When he had left me?

With shaking hands I pressed the blade into the soft skin of my wrist. It cut smoothly like butter. I felt compelled to cut more. I grabbed my other wrist and cut deeper, harder. I laid back, feeling relieved. I was ready to leave.

I heard the door open and a sharp gasp as I slipped into darkness.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! This is my first story here and I'm so nervous to post it because who knows what kind of reactions I'll get. I've been thinking about this for a while now and I'd like to share it on this website. I hope you liked the prologue. If you have any questions or concerns, PM me or you can access me on my social media, which is listed in my profile. I'm also open to having a beta if possible, so if you're interested, I'm here!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything** _ **Twilight**_ **. All I own are my OCs.**

 **Any and all songs in this chapter belong to the original artist, I just enjoy listening to them.**

 **A/N: I am currently hiding out in my room re-writing this chapter while there are guests in my living room. I was feeling so anxious and nervous and awkward I almost ran out of the room. Anyways, thanks for all the love from the reviews! I will actually be responding to reviews because I want to interact with you guys more so here goes!**

 **AndromedaLycurgusSnape: Thanks for making me happy, I really appreciated it. I don't want to give anything away, but your guess about Raina is really accurate! I like to let her flaws be known as well, because I know we all have them. I'm going to try to show that vulnerability about letting them be known. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like the rewrite!**

 **Lady Braven: Don't worry! You weren't being too harsh or critical, it was the perfect comment for constructive criticism and I appreciate it. I totally agreed about her personality, it just didn't feel right the further along I went. Also, yes, I do tend to fit too many things into one chapter. Thanks for saying I'm a good writer, and I'm going to try to be less wordy.** **Thanks for the compliment on Ben! I absolutely adore him too. I'm going to let you in on a secret; Ben is actually based off of a really close friend of mine in real life. (Don't worry, I have his express permission to use him in this story). He's just as sweet, kind, innocent and lovable as the written version. I actually used to have a crush on him, but now we're really close friends and I'm so glad to have him in my life, I don't know where I'd be without him.**

 **Moonlightstriking: Your comment actually made me cry. Depression really does suck, and I wish it didn't limit us like it does. There are so many things I want to do or used to do, but now I can't, won't or don't because of my depression. I hope for no depression in our futures as well. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.**

 **Also, my OC Raina deals with depression and anxiety, I'm sure you have an idea as to why from what you've read so far. All details will be revealed later on and I will be giving hints!**

 **TW: This story deals with mature themes such as self-harm and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Reader's discretion is advised.**

* * *

 _1_

I awoke with a start. I had had another one of my recurring nightmares. I would hear _his_ voice but whenever I was near, I was alone again. I shook off the remaining fear and look around my room. I wouldn't be seeing it for a while.

You see, my parents work for an organisation for 'spies'. If any of their agents went missing, my parents were in charge of taking care of any children they may have. That's all I know though, since I'm not an agent I don't get all the information. They had recently been assigned a new case, larger than any they'd had before. Eight agents had gone missing last night, they were four couples. My parents would be taking in 7 kids, four of which were my age. Whenever we took someone in, we moved to our mansion since it had more space. We spent more time there anyway, so I never really minded.

I got out of bed and headed towards my bathroom. I quickly showered then blow-dried my hair after brushing it through. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and analysed myself. I had dark brown eyes that lightened to a honey colour in the sun, full pink lips and a button nose. My skin was clear and a smooth brown- perks of being Asian I guess. I had thick, straight medium brown hair that reached the bottom of my back and a thin figure. I had been underweight all my life so it never really bothered me when people stared.

I walked over to my closet, humming as I picked out my outfit. I chose one of _his_ hoodies-black, of course- and black leggings. I chose my black combat boots and laced them up. Ever since _he_ had left, all colour had vanished from my life. I only wore colour at home, when I was sure I was all alone. _He_ had been everything beautiful and wonderful in my life, and when _he_ had left, everything went with _him_.

I wiped away the tears that had begun to form and walked out of my room. I had to put up a front for my family. I knew seeing me like this had to hurt. I plastered a bright smile on my face before entering the kitchen. They greeted me with wary looks, but I smiled even brighter to reassure them. I had to pretend I was okay, even if I knew I wasn't.

I stood there for a bit, unsure of what I should do. I never really ate anymore, I didn't ever feel hungry. Besides, my appetite had grown for other things lately. I decided to drink a glass of water to appease my family. They had no control over me, in fact it was the other way around, but I knew they worried. I grabbed my black leather bag and grabbed my keys. I shouted a goodbye and walked out the door. Another monotonous day at school, yay.

* * *

The walk to school was the same as always, I ignored everyone I passed and they cowered in fear. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's the venom in me that wards them off. Although it was better for them if they left me alone, I wished I had friends. Watching groups of friends pass by me stung sometimes. I walked into my first period history class and sat down in the back.

It wasn't like I even needed to go to school, I knew more than all teachers in the world combined could teach me. I had even lived through some of these lessons. I watched a couple holding hands walk in through the door and felt a pang of envy gnaw at me. I quickly looked away and busied myself by looking at my notes. I couldn't torture myself like this.

The class passed by in a blur and, before I knew it, the warning bell was ringing. I hastily got out of my seat and hurried to my next class; English. I actually enjoyed this class. I had a love for literature, particularly the classics. I was thinking about my next composition when I heard my name being called.

''Raina!''

''Yes?'', I sighed. Although I enjoyed this class I hated being called on, it made me nervous and anxious to have all those eyes on me.

''What is your opinion on the misogyny in Shakespeare's works?''

And that was how class went, a debate with me against my classmates. I won of course, they were too scared to anger me in any way although I wish they weren't. I was up and out of the classroom as soon as the lunch bell rang. I nodded at my sisters as I saw them pass me in the halls. They were the only people I associated with inside and outside of school. More like they were the only ones who weren't scared of me. I shook the thoughts away and focused on where I was going. I didn't want to bump into anyone and cause an unnecessary scene. I shuddered just thinking about the crowd that would surround me.

I walked out of the building and walked towards my spot. It was a hidden area just on the outskirts of the forest by our school. I went there everyday to calm down and sing. _He_ had always loved to hear me sing, so it was one of the only ways I could stay connected to _him_. I played the music and lost myself in memories.

I sat in silence for a moment as the last note rang out before I let the tears fall. Suppressed sobs made their way out of my throat and I shook violently. _'Why? Why did he have to leave?'_ I sobbed for who knows how long on the damp grassy floor of the forest.

I was reapplying my makeup when I heard it. Loud boisterous laughs echoed through the clearing, nearing me. Shit, how hadn't I sensed their presence? I knew they would eventually find me, unless I steered them away. I quickly searched for the pull their molecules provided me, and made my way up to their minds, tapping into their brains one by one. I found out that they had heard strangled sounds from the forest and had decided to check it out. My voice filtered through their minds, urging them to walk back to the school. They immediately changed their path. I calmed only when I was certain they were gone.

I shouldered my bag and made my way back to the school minutes after them. Lunch was almost over and fourth period was about to start, Biology. I quickly made my way over to the lab and took my usual seat at the back table. I took my assignment out of my bag and placed it at the very edge of the table. Even the teachers were scared of me. At times I cherished being alone, but sometimes, I wanted to have friends like I used to. I shook that thought off, after all, I did have friends. They just weren't present at the moment.

The Cullens. _He_ and I had known Carlisle and the Masen family in my first life. Carlisle had been a family friend and the Masens were our neighbours. Edward, _him_ and I had grown up together and were very close friends. In fact I liked to think we still were just as close. More than a hundred years had passed since our first meeting, but I still remembered it like it was yesterday. I smirked then frowned as I remembered how Edward and I had pranked _him_. I started to pay attention to the lesson to get my mind off of _him_ , although I had already studied this. I sighed, the day couldn't go slower.

The bell rang for fifth period French and I walked out of the classroom, not really paying attention to my surroundings. All of a sudden I was pushed from behind. Luckily I caught myself and regained my balance quickly. Perks of being what I am, I guess. I turned around quickly, ready to get this confrontation over with. It was a freshman, they were cowering in fear and had tears in their eyes.

''I-I'm s-so sorry, I-, I tripped'' they stuttered their way through their excuse as I watched on, feeling anxious and just plain uncomfortable from their touch.

''It's fine, don't worry about it. Just be careful next time'', I whispered to her, hoping she'd take the hint and leave me alone.

I looked up at the crowd that had formed around us and felt my throat close up and my breathing labour. I quickly pushed my way through the crowd and into the nearest bathroom. I locked myself in the stall and tried to breathe. I hated these anxiety attacks, making me feel weak and stupid. I brushed the tears away and remembered my exercises. I quickly grounded myself and walked towards class.

The halls were empty, class had started ten minutes ago. I started to hurry to class, I didn't want a confrontation with a teacher. I opened the door and walked to my seat. Everyone was staring but as soon as the teacher glared they backed off. I nodded at the teacher and went to sit in my seat, glad that she was so understanding. I spent the time calming myself fully, trying not to cry in front of everyone again.

I walked out of class five minutes early and headed towards the forest. I opened my phone and started playing my music, singing along softly to _In My Blood_ by Shawn Mendes. I really related to this song, the feelings were so raw and real. The subject of anxiety and almost suicide in the lyrics helped me calm myself. I checked the time and saw it had already been half an hour since school ended. I turned around and felt eyes watching me. I walked forward and saw Ben Woods and his friends Jack Parks, Sam Hill and Logan Brooks.

''What are you doing here?'' I asked.

''Your mom told us to find you'' said Ben. Of course she did, she was still hoping I would be friends with him again.

''Oh!I forgot it was today! I guess she told you to make sure I didn't do anything stupid on the way back, right? Follow me, I guess.'' I sighed. Mom was overprotective at times, but I guess my actions thus far haven't let her act otherwise.

I made my way back to the front of the school and saw my mom in the limo that always took us to our mansion. I went up to the front as my mom rolled the window down.

''There you are! Here, since you're late you have to find the kids we're taking in.'' she said as she handed me a list. My blood ran cold as I saw the first four names on the list.

 _Ben Woods_

 _Jack Parks_

 _Logan Brooks_

 _Sam Hill_

 _Oh no,_ was all I could think.

* * *

 **A/N: There we have it! Chapter 1, rewritten! I hope you liked it! I know it's shorter but I don't want to cramp the chapters with too many events and I have recently come to the realisation that my chapters don't have to be a certain length for you guys to enjoy them. Shorter chapters will also take less time which would mean more frequent updates.**

 **Also, I've had readers from so many different places! The US, Republic of Korea, the UK, France, Denmark, the Netherlands, Sweden, Australia, India, Brazil, Spain, Croatia, the Philippines, Guam, Italy, Russia, Guyana, Venezuela, Germany, even people from where I live (Canada), and where I'm from (Pakistan). I wonder if I know any of you in real life? Anyways review if you want, if not I hope you liked this chapter! See you soon readers!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Here's another chapter! Thanks to everyone who followed or favourited me or this story!**

* * *

 _2_

This couldn't be happening. Out of all the people in the world it had to be the ones I tended to avoid?

I looked down at the list again to read the rest of the names. The other three names had to be their siblings. I sighed and turned back around to go find them. I didn't have to look long because they were standing by the bike rack looking in my direction. I walked over and sighed.

''Follow me if you will. We don't have much time and I am most definitely in a rush.'' I said

''Wait, why should we follow you?'' said Logan.

''Explanations will be later, right now I need you to find your siblings and follow me to the car.''

I guess they knew I wasn't messing around and quickly went to find their siblings. They too were confused but knew better than to question me. I led them over to our limo and heard their gasps as they saw it.

''Is that your car?'' they said in awe.

''Yeah, it is.'' I blushed. I should be used to it now but it always made me uncomfortable when people realised how wealthy my family and I really were. ''Please get in, we don't have the time to question everything.''.

They quickly entered the car and we sped off towards my house so we could pick up our belongings. I went to go get all our luggage, after all, I was stronger than your average human. I ran inside and grabbed the pile of suitcases and bags inside the entryway. I walked out, locked the door, and walked to the trunk of the limo. I threw the luggage in and locked the trunk, and took my seat in the car.

I felt the car pulling out of the driveway and watched as we drove farther and farther away. I looked away and realised that they were all staring at me, making me feel uneasy. I finally gained the courage to question them.

''What?'' I said self consciously. Had I done something wrong?

''H-how did you carry all that by yourself? I mean, no offense, but you're tiny!'' exclaimed Hayley, Ben's older sister.

Man, I forgot all about that. I had gotten too comfortable being isolated with only my family. ''In all due time, you might get some answers.'' I said cryptically. They must have been frustrated with my response but it was better than overwhelming them with the truth so soon, and I loathed lying.

''I think we're owed some answers right now! We've chosen to trust you and get in this car with you, I think we should know why!'' cried Ben.

''Listen, I understand that this a whole new experience for all of you, and I know you must be feeling scared, confused, worried. I get that, I really do, but this is something completely unrelated to your situation and it is mine to share. I really meant it when I said that you might get answers soon.'' I tried to soothe them and try to make them feel more comfortable. I was really good at reading people but I had been alone too long to understand their emotions. Thankfully, they accepted it and left me alone for the rest of the ride.

All too soon I felt the car stopping. I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see our mansion. I couldn't wait to get into my room and get away from all these people, I could feel the energy draining from me slowly but surely. As we all climbed out of the limo I heard them murmuring in awe and delight about our mansion. I walked over to the front door and unlocked it using my key. I smiled as I saw Robert, our head butler waiting at the staircase with the rest of the staff behind him. I really had missed this place.

''Hello, Robert. I trust that everything is ready for our guests?'' I greeted the rest of the staff with a bright smile and a nod.

''Indeed Miss. All the rooms have been prepared and are ready for use. I made sure nobody entered your quarters Miss.''

''Thank you, Robert. If you could please get the luggage from the limo, that would be appreciated.''

He nodded as he walked out to the car along with two other members of the staff. I turned around and saw everyone crowded behind me. Guess it was time for the tour. My mom walked up and started her spiel about how they were going to stay here and how all would be explained tonight at dinner. I zoned out as I thought about the recording studio on the second floor of my room.

''Raina!''

I jumped, ''Yes, mom?'' Everyone was looking at me and I felt my cheeks flush.

''It's time for the tour, you're helping out today, remember?''

''Yes, I do. Let's go everyone.'' I took a deep breath before leading everyone through the house.

They hesitated, then decided to follow me. I went around the first floor, showing the kitchen, the living room, dining room and two guest rooms. We went down the stairs to the basement and showed them the game room and laundry room. I quickly explained that we had a staff that cleaned for us, while we cooked. We went to the second floor and I pointed out my parents' room, and my sisters showed them each of their rooms.

I could tell they were overwhelmed by everything, so I called Robert to bring some drinks and snacks to the drawing room on the second floor. We went inside and I invited them to sit. They sat together on one side of the room while my family sat on the other. I sat off to the corner by the window. When Robert came with the food and drinks I thanked him and told him to take the day off along with the rest of the staff. Robert smiled an understanding smile, thanked me and left, softly shutting the door behind him. He probably knew I was feeling suffocated with all the people.

''Why are you letting Raina boss everyone around? Sorry if this is intrusive but we're going to stay here after all, I think we should know some things.'' Ben asked my parents. I sighed, I was hoping they wouldn't notice that.

''Well, the house is in Raina's name and so the staff are under her care. Therefore, it is her right to do what she wants.'' my dad explained hesitantly. He knew I liked to keep my life private but he also knew he had no other choice without it looking suspicious.

''Wait- how is it under her name?'' asked Sam.

''Raina's boyfriend bought her this house and put it under her name.'' my mom explained curtly, putting an end to the conversation.

I guess they were too shocked by the fact that I had a boyfriend and that he had bought me a mansion to ask more questions. No need to tell them he was more than a boyfriend. Every so often I would feel a curious gaze on me but I ignored it the best I could. When they had finished we continued up to the third floor. I showed each of them their rooms one by one. I could tell they were shocked by the size of the house.

''And that concludes our tour, you can do whatever now. Dinner is at 8 sharp.'' I told them. My family retired to their rooms but everyone else just stood there.

''You can go to your rooms if you want now.'' I was uncomfortable with their stares on me. They all started to head towards their rooms when Ben and his friends stopped. They whispered between themselves before they started to head towards the staircase that lead to the fourth floor, my quarters.

''Stop! You can't go up there.'' I shouted. I never let anyone up there without my permission, not even my family.

''Why? You said we could do anything we wanted, and we want to know what's up there.'' Jack stated.

I hesitated, but eventually decided it was better to let them know to prevent any future confrontations. ''You're right, I did say you could do anything you wanted. That wasn't a lie. The only exception to that is up there. That staircase leads to the fourth and fifth floor, my quarters. Please do not go up there without my permission.'' I pleaded with them to understand. They nodded and backed off and I walked up without a glance and locked my door.

I sighed, this day had been terrible so far. I threw my bag onto my bed and slipped my shoes and socks off. I walked up the stairs and into my recording studio. I breathed in slowly, finally I was home. I walked over to my keyboard and started playing my newest composition. I lost track of time when I was in here, it was so peaceful and quiet. I decided to record a cover for my channel on YouTube. I immediately chose to sing _In My Blood_. I recorded the melody on my piano and guitar, and then I sang. I listened to the track and decided to add some harmonies, tweaking it until I thought it was perfect.

I had silent tears running down my face by the time I had finished, the lyrics hit me hard. I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted, I felt so drained and I knew I needed more sustenance for dinner tonight, something stronger. I sighed and trudged downstairs to lay on my bed. I just needed to relax for a while. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind.

* * *

I woke to knocking on the door. I looked at my clock and saw it was ten minutes past 8. I dropped my head back onto the pillow and sighed, I was late for dinner. I freshened up in my bathroom before I opened the door. Ben stood there with his hand raised, ready to knock again.

''I'm here.'' I brushed past him and downstairs to the dining room. I sat down and looked at my plate before getting up to go the fridge. I grabbed two thermoses and warmed them up before walking back to my seat. I pushed my plate away and drank greedily from the first thermos. The thick red liquid cooled the burn in my throat and my energy went up quickly. I finished the first one before grabbing the second one, drinking slower this time.

When I finished I looked up and saw my family looking at me with worry, I knew they were concerned about my diet lately. I folded my legs against my chest, wrapping my arms around them and observed everyone talking over dinner. My sisters seemed to be getting along with Hayley, Nikki- Logan's younger sister- and Sophia- Sam's younger sister. The guys talked among themselves and my parents just watched on happily, sharing their opinion every once in a while.

I sighed as I realised I only had one thermos left, I'd need to go hunting again to refill them. I'd worry about that later, though, right now we had something more pressing to deal with. Everyone was acting as if this was normal, but I could feel the underlying tension and I absorbed some of it to ease their nerves. We had to give them their answers now, I knew they were still anxious to find out what was happening. Once everyone's plates were empty my mom initiated the conversation.

''I know you're all wondering why you're here. My husband and I are going to tell you as much as we can. The truth is, your parents are in grave danger and we are here to take care of you while they are being rescued.''

''What!?'' they all exclaimed.

''My wife and I work for an organisation for, well essentially for spies. When agents go missing someone has to take care of their kids if they have any. That's where we come in. All of your parents went missing last night while on a mission and we were handed this case. They decided to keep you all together since you were all close, we thought it would help you cope with this big change.'' my dad explained further.

''Dad, I think this is a little much for them all at once, don't you?'' my sister Amna interrupted. She was the most fragile of all my sisters, I think. She wouldn't want anyone to be hurt, especially after what happened between me and _him_. She had been the first to see what could break a person, what could break me. I stifled a sob as I tried to pay attention.

''Actually, Amna? I know they'd rather like as much information as possible. Nothing is worse than not knowing what is happening to your loved ones, trust me.'' I spoke from experience. I wished everyday that I knew where _he_ was. I brushed off her sad stare, and excused myself to my room. I walked out of the dining room and went to the kitchen to grab my last thermos, might as well go hunting tomorrow.

I walked past the dining room on my way back upstairs and locked eyes with Ben. He seemed to be searching for something in my eyes, more answers maybe? I looked away and left the day's events behind me.

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter! Leave a review below if you want. It could be anything, ranging from constructive criticism, to guesses, to a simple 'hi, I like/don't like your story'. I don't mind, I love interacting with you guys. See you guys next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimers: Stephenie Meyer owns everything** _ **Twilight**_ **. All I own are my two OCs.**

 **No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Sorry for another big delay! I've had a lot of work at school and had two big tests that I was really stressed about.**

 **TW: This story deals with mature themes such as self-harm and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Reader's discretion is advised.**

* * *

 _3_

 **BenPOV**

Everyone sat in silence after Raina's abrupt departure. Amna's eyes were filling with tears and the rest of her family just seemed sad about something, yet understanding. What had happened to Raina to make her this way? She could be cold one minute and passionate the next, it gave me whiplash.

I sighed as I thought about the way she was before she became so distant and cold. I was sucked into a memory of her last day as the Raina I knew.

* * *

 _Raina laughed at another one of my lame jokes and I couldn't help but really look at her. We had been friends for awhile now, but I had felt a shift in my emotions towards her recently. I often thought about holding her before I remembered that we were just 11._

 _Her eyes shone and her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were beautiful, I realised. They were a dark brown normally, but today, they were almost gold. Her skin was flawless unlike some of the other girls' in the class. Her hair was long and flowing, I had to stifle the urge to run my fingers through her scalp. She smiled at me, and my vision focused. Oh, that smile, what I wouldn't do to see it everyday._

'' _Ben? Are you okay?''_

'' _Yeah, sorry.''_

 _My friends started laughing at me but I paid them no mind. They had found out about my crush on Raina but I made sure they kept it secret. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, it was too precious to me._

 _All of a sudden her eyes glazed over and she was unresponsive. I became worried, I had never seen her like this. I shook her shoulder but she just sat there, motionless._

'' _Raina? What happened, are you okay?'' She didn't show any sign that she heard me. I called the teacher over and she waved me off, telling me my concerns were for nothing._

'' _Don't worry, Ben. She's okay. There's something in her file about her spacing out often, no reason given, but there's no reason for you to worry.'' I sighed in relief and waited for Raina to come back._

 _When she did, I saw tears in her eyes, but she brushed me off when I asked her about it. I knew something had happened though, she was slumped over her desk, looking resigned and sad. This was new to me. Raina was always happy, I associated her with everything good and happy in the world. So to see her like this was disconcerting. The rest of the class passed in silence until the bell rang. Raina packed up quickly and was about to leave when I grabbed her wrist. She jumped before turning around, looking at me impatiently._

'' _What is it, Ben? I have somewhere to be, you know.'' I was shocked, Raina had never spoken to me like that. I felt a slash of hurt before I masked it and continued on._

'' _Where are you going? Don't we usually walk together?'' I said. Her eyes softened before she smiled a soft smile._

'' _I'm sorry, Ben. I can't today. I have to do something urgently. I- I'll see you tomorrow'' She seemed unsure about that last part, but I shook it off. I loosened my grip on her hand before she walked away. I watched after her, stunned._

 _I didn't see her the next day, or for a while after that. She missed a month and a half of school. She was supposedly sick, but I knew better. Something had happened that day. When she came back to school she was different. She stopped wearing bright colours and had completely shut everyone except her best friends out. Eventually, though, she cut them out of her life as well. We all watched on sadly as she distanced herself from all of us, knowing there was nothing we could do._

* * *

Two years later, my friends started worrying about me. I had started to like her even more, even though I knew she would never feel that way back. It seemed like she had no emotions, until now. Now here I was, five years later, 16, and hopelessly in love with a girl who had shut everyone that loved her out.

I looked into her eyes as she passed by, I wanted to comfort her, but I had forgotten how. I felt like I had lost her before I had her.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since we had begun to live with Raina and her family. It wasn't bad, but I had only seen Raina handful of times outside of school. It was like she was avoiding everyone, and she sure was good at it.

I passed by the drawing room, and noticed the door was locked. It had always been open these past few weeks. I moved closer and heard people talking inside. I recognised the voices as Raina's and her parents'. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help but listen in.

''Raina, don't think we haven't noticed your attitude and behaviour recently.'' It was her mom.

''I know I've been acting cold, but don't I always? You can't say that this is a surprise to you.'' Raina said in a bored tone.

''No, it isn't a surprise but we really thought that having your friends here would change you.''

''They aren't my friends, Mom.'' Raina said hesitantly.

''But they once were, weren't they?'' I heard her dad's deep voice counter.

''Things change, you know. What's here one day could be gone the next.'' Raina said wistfully. Her voice conveyed some sort of deep longing.

''We want you to interact with them, Raina! You've really hurt their feelings, especially Ben's. That poor boy just wants to be your friend again. You're ruining their experience here!''

''Why does their experience here matter? Eventually they'll move on and leave us, everyone always leaves.'' It seemed like she was talking about something else, and I had an inkling it had to do with what happened years ago.

''Everyone always leaves, Mom. Just like Oliver did.'' she whispered.

Oliver? Maybe that was the boyfriend her mom was telling us about when we got here. Why did he leave, was the question.

''We just want the old Raina back!'' her dad said desperately.

''The old me left with Oliver.'' Raina stated in a cold voice. I didn't have time to move away before Raina burst through the door. I staggered back and she leveled me with a hard stare before she went up to her room.

Well, that didn't answer anything.

* * *

 **RainaPOV**

After the incident on the first day, I avoided everyone else like the plague. I either stayed locked up in my room or I went hunting right after school.

I had started needing blood more often, recently. I knew it was because I was getting closer to 18, the age I was when I died almost 100 years ago. Every year, I become more and more like a vampire. I was told it was because I was supposed to become a vampire, but James was frustrated after losing the chance to have Alice, so things didn't go to plan. I still remember the attack so vividly, even after all these years. Then again, I'm a reincarnate and almost a full vampire, I won't have the same traits as a normal human.

I walked out of my room and I was about to run out the door before my parents stopped me, asking for a minute to talk. They led me towards the drawing room and we walked in.

''Please close the door behind you, Raina'' my dad said.

 _I wonder what's going on in his head. What do they have to talk to me about that warrants such privacy?_ I felt around for his aura and grasped onto the atoms that made up his body. I made my way up to his head and delved deep into his mind, but he was hiding it from me. My eyes flashed dangerously but my dad didn't even flinch.

''What are you both hiding from me?'' I growled. It wasn't often that I was restricted from knowing what was going on. My parents' eyes danced with mirth before they sobered up and cleared their throats.

''Now, Raina, do not forget that we are your parents.'' my mom scolded me.

I sighed, ''Well, what is it you need to talk to me about _so_ urgently?'' my parents glared at me for my sarcastic tone before my mom continued.

''Raina, don't think we haven't noticed your attitude and behaviour recently.'' I sighed, so this was what they were so worried about.

''I know I've been acting cold, but don't I always? You can't say that this is a surprise to you.'' I said tiredly. Would they ever understand that I had changed?

''No, it isn't a surprise but we really thought that having your friends here would change you.''

''They aren't my friends, Mom.'' I said hesitantly.

''But they once were, weren't they?'' My dad said in a matter-of-fact tone.

''Things change, you know. What's here one day could be gone the next.'' I didn't mean for the conversation to take a sharp turn to my problems, but it always found a way to come to light, no matter what. _His_ absence had encompassed my whole life.

''We want you to interact with them, Raina! You've really hurt their feelings, especially Ben's. That poor boy just wants to be your friend again. You're ruining their experience here!''

''Why does their experience here matter? Eventually they'll move on and leave us, everyone always leaves.'' It was true, everyone always left me. Nobody could understand me fully, only _he_ could, but _he_ wasn't here, was he?

''Everyone always leaves, Mom. Just like Oliver did.'' I whispered. I could never heal fully without _him_ , I had to make them understand that. Without _him_ I was nothing.

''We just want the old Raina back!'' my dad pleaded with me.

''The old me left with Oliver.'' I ended the conversation with that simple truth. My control was slipping, I realised, and I knew it would only be matter of time before I lashed out and someone got hurt. I burst out of the room, desperate for some fresh air and was met with the flustered face of none other than Ben.

I stared at him before running into my room. I'll just have to leave through the window, then. I quickly changed into my hunting clothes before I opened my window on the fourth floor. I had my legs dangling out the window and I was just about to jump down before I felt a strong, insistent pair of arms pull me away frantically. I looked into the clear blue eyes of Ben Woods. Oh, just great.

* * *

 **Well, there's chapter 3! Chapter 4 might be coming up soon after this, as in, an hour or so. I'm feeling really inspired right now so I can feel my creative juices flowing. Thanks you all for the support and see you next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer own everything** _ **Twilight**_ **. All I own are this story and my two OC's. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Here's chapter 4 for you! I hope you guys like it, and feel free to review anything! It could be constructive criticism, a simple I love your story or I love this character/their actions, or maybe some spell check or grammar check, don't be scared!**

 **TW: This story deals with mature themes such as self-harm and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Reader's discretion is advised.**

* * *

 _4_

 **BenPOV**

I stood still for a moment before I played through what just happened in my head. I was reeling from the information I had just heard, and honestly, a little bit hurt. I had always hoped that she still thought us to be her friends, but it was clear that she had gotten over it a long time ago.

I decided to go apologise to her for listening in on her private conversation. I knew her door would probably be locked as always, but it wouldn't hurt to try. I knocked a few times, but when I got no answer, I started to worry. I tried the knob and surprisingly, the door opened. I looked around her room in awe for a second before a blur of black and dark green caught my eye. I looked over to the window and what I saw scared me.

Raina was hanging out of the window, ready to jump. I couldn't believe it, she was going to end her life? I ran over and pulled her away quickly and cradled her in my lap before she had the chance to jump out. She squeaked before looking up at me. I saw her surprise flicker to annoyance, then finally resting on confusion.

''Ben? What are you doing here?'' She was so confused and I almost got lost in the innocent look on her face before I remembered what she had just attempted to do.

''What am I doing here? I came to apologise but I saw you trying to jump out a window! Are you trying to kill yourself?'' I ranted. I was going to continue but something stopped me. I looked down and saw Raina smothering a smile.

I was confused, but I hadn't seen that smile in so long, I couldn't ignore it. She started giggling at me before peals of bell like laughter rang out. I looked down at her, shocked. I sat there, waiting for her to calm down.

''Are you done laughing yet? I honestly don't see what's so amusing about this situation.'' I was impatient and worried, and all she could do was laugh? I wondered after her mental stability. Was she okay?

''Sorry. It's just that, you thought I was going to kill myself?'' She paused to snicker before she sobered up. ''Why would you think that?''

''You were about to jump out of a window on the fourth floor, you've been so cold and distant for years now, you just had an upsetting conversation conversation with your parents- which I am sorry for listening into by the way- what else am I supposed to think?'' I whispered.

She sat up and grabbed one of my hands. I relished in the feeling of her touch for a moment, waiting to hear her response.

''I wasn't going to end my life, Ben. I know you won't be able to understand, so let's just say that a jump like that wouldn't even leave a scratch on me.'' she soothed my fears and smiled at me. ''Thanks for the concern, but you don't need to worry about me, Ben.''

She stood up, bringing me with her. She let go of my hands before jumping out the window as if this conversation hadn't just happened. I would honestly never understand this girl, but maybe I could try. She seemed to open up a little today, hopefully she'll open up more soon.

I peered out the window and saw a flash of colour dance across my vision before it was gone.

* * *

 **RainaPOV**

I left him behind in my room and ran through the forest at a speed that could almost rival Edward's. I laughed and spun as I ran my way to _our_ spot. I always came here to calm down after a hunt or to get in the mindset before one. I centered myself and ran off when I heard a group of elk running by.

I shot out like a bullet after them, relishing in the adrenaline rush from the chase. The wind whipped past me at blinding speeds and I pounced onto an elk, sucking it dry in a minute flat. I guess I was really thirsty.

I managed to take another two down. I drank from their jugulars greedily. After I was completely satisfied, I ran back to my house and walked through the front door.

''I'm back!'' I yelled out. I heard a few muffled greetings before I walked up to my room.

I quickly showered and changed out of my hunting clothes, into a pair of sweats and _his_ t-shirt. I grabbed my laptop and lay in my king sized bed. I nestled into the covers as I checked my inbox. One email in particular caught my eye. It was sent around a week and a half ago. I checked the sender and almost squealed.

 _Alice Cullen_

I quickly read the email, catching up on their life. I was confused by the last part,

 _Don't mope around, Raina. I know you hate surprises but you'll be getting one soon, and I_ know _you'll love it!_

 _Love, Alice_

I smiled at Alice's hint at her premonitions, before I pondered over the parting sentences. What could they possibly give me that would make me that happy? I quickly wrote out a response, apologising for taking so long and updating her about the situation over here. I hit send and quickly put my laptop away.

I got into bed and succumbed to sleep almost immediately. Today was another day, tomorrow would be as well.

* * *

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood. I got ready for school, eager to get there for some reason I couldn't explain. I smiled at everyone as I walked into the kitchen and I grabbed my water bottle. I drank half to appease my parents and left.

During the walk to school I tried to check the future for what would happen today but I was coming up blank, as if someone was purposefully blocking me. I tried to brush away the anxious feeling, maybe there would be absolutely nothing happening today. I knew it was a lame excuse but I didn't want to stress over it.

I reveled in the almost euphoric feeling and floated into my first class.I was headed to my usual seat in the back when I noticed a girl sitting off to the corner by herself. Now this was unusual, although there were people like me that weren't too social, everyone here had at least one seemed as though this girl didn't. In a sudden burst of confidence I walked over and sat next to her.

She looked up, obviously surprised to see someone sit by her. I decided it wouldn't hurt to talk to her a little bit.

''Hi. I'm Raina, are you new here?'' I greeted politely.

''Yeah, I am. Although, I'm not with the other new kids. Everyone thinks that I'm with them. I'm Deena, nice to meet you. ''

Other new kids? I seriously missed out on a lot, everyone must have been gossiping about this for a while. New kids were a rarity at our school.

''Nice to meet you too, Deena. I'm sure you'll love it here. What other classes do you have?''

We exchanged schedules and were disappointed to find we only had this class together. We chatted throughout the rest of the class and I found out we had a lot in common. She loved the classics and enjoyed the same music I did.

She seemed to understand that we wouldn't become the best of friends and I knew she would find some other group that would accept her fully. At least we had this one class, I knew I could handle this much social interaction with other people. We parted ways and headed off to our separate classes.

I barely paid attention in class, overwhelmed by anxiety over my lack of visions. The teacher tried to talk to me about it but I brushed her off quickly. No need to tell her that I couldn't pay attention because I couldn't see the future like I usually did.

I started wondering about the new kids Deena had mentioned. I had sensed something different at school but I had all but forgotten it after talking to Deena. She had said _kids_ so that probably meant there were multiple. I wondered if they were the reason I couldn't see anything today. That meant they could be a threat to me and my family. I started getting even more anxious and could feel a panic attack coming on.

I excused myself to the bathroom and tried to calm myself but it was no use. I cried myself through another panic attack. I choked and sputtered before walking over to the bathroom sink and freshening up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and felt weak. I had puffy eyes and I looked so fragile.

I shook off the weakness and squared my shoulders. If these new people really were a threat, I had to put up a strong front, I couldn't let them know how they got to me. I walked out of the bathroom with my head held high and weaved my way through the crowd towards my locker. I dropped my homework into the rusty piece of metal before locking it and heading off to the cafeteria. It was too rainy today and I really didn't feel like wetting my clothes on the damp grass.

I walked in and everyone looked at me before quickly going back to their previous tasks. I pulled my phone out and made my way over to a table at the corner of the room. I scrolled through my texts and replied to them quickly.

I went to go sit in my usual seat when I bumped into something, or rather, _someone_. The cafeteria went silent for a moment before the whispers started. I looked up from my phone and gasped at who I saw.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey everyone! I don't think many of you will actually read this or the note at the top, I admit I usually don't read the author's notes, but it's a way for me to communicate with you guys so why not?**

 **Hope you liked the chapter!**

 **Review if you want, I have a question if you want to answer; Who do you think Raina saw at the end there? Review your guesses down below in the review box!**

 **See you next chapter!**


	6. AN- Break

**As you can tell, this is not a new chapter. I regret to inform you that I will not be posting this weekend as planned, and I don't know when I will.**

 **Today, a classmate and close friend of mine passed due to health issues. When I first heard the news, I was shocked. The grieiving process is heartbreaking and crushing and I don't really know how to describe it.**

 **I don't have much emotional stability, I'm a very sensitive, feeling person and I don't know how to handle myself and my own basic needs. I won't be able to continue writing for a while. This has affected me greatly and I honestly can't fathom writing while this upset.**

 **I sincerely apologize for the hold I am creating. I might put this on a temporary Hiatus becausue if I can't update, I'd like you all to know somehow.**

 **Rest in Peace, Justin. Your kind spirit and optimistic personnality will be missed by us all. You always had a kind word to put in, and knew how and when to cheer us all up. Even the simple greetings you gave me touched me and you made me feel happy. I will miss your smile, your laugh, we will all miss you. I hope you are free from all the pain you have been through, and know that we will always love you and miss you. Fly high, beautiful boy.**


	7. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything** _ **Twilight**_ **. All I own are this story and my two OCs. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Sorry for the cliffhanger there, but I wanted to leave you with some anticipation for the next chapter!**

 _ **AndromedaLycurgusSnape:**_ **Thanks for the review! I wouldn't say Raina blames anyone, but she is so crushed by her pain that she inflicts it on herself and closes herself off, thus her antisocial behaviour and why she stays away from other people, in particular Ben and his friends/family. I guess you'll just have to see who it was ;). I love your guesses and your consistent reviews, keep guessing and read on!**

 _ **kaday**_ **:** **Thank you for your support.**

 _ **DxGRAYxMAN**_ **: Thank you for your support.**

 **I'd like to take a few words here to thank you all for the support and the understanding through this hard time. I love you all so much, thank you.**

 **Here goes, Chapter 5! Hope you like it! It's pretty short, I apologise for that. This is more of a transitory chapter, but it's important. It's also all I felt like I could write. I'm trying to get back into writing and updating, albeit slowly.**

 **TW: This story deals with mature themes such as self-harm and suicide/suicidal thoughts. Reader's discretion is advised.**

* * *

 _5_

 **RainaPOV**

I gasped as I saw Deena sitting by herself, crying. What had happened in the last hour or so to make her so upset?

''Deena? What happened?'' I whispered. I knew everyone in the room was looking so I leveled them with a cold glare. I sighed in relief as they looked away and went back to their lunches. I looked back and my heart broke to see Deena so sad, she was such a sweet girl.

''Deena, can you tell me what happened?'' I said as I sat across from her.

She sniffled before responding, ''I'm sorry, it's so stupid.''

I sighed, ''Deena, if it made you this upset it isn't stupid. Tell me.''

''Alright, Raina. Well, I made some friends in second period and they seemed nice enough, they were really welcoming and invited me into their conversation immediately. We spent the rest of the time talking, and I felt really great, first day and I had made so many friends.'' She stopped and let out a sob.

''It's okay Deena, take your time'' I said.

''They said that we'd meet up by the front for lunch so I agreed before I excused myself to the bathroom. I was about to leave the stall when I heard them enter and start talking about me. They were so mean! They started making fun of me, it was awful. They said they were going to humiliate me in front of the whole school and ditch me! I waited for them to leave and came here and now I'm too scared to leave'' she confessed.

''Deena, that's terrible! I can't believe someone would do that to you, especially on your first day here! Although, in today's society, I guess it's more common than it was, say, a century ago. Here, I know a group of kids who would love to have you, and could really use someone like you.'' I motioned for her to follow me and led her over to a table surrounded by four girls. They looked up and seemed surprised and scared to see me, but then saw Deena and they smiled welcoming smiles.

''Hi, Raina, and you're Deena aren't you? I saw you in second period today. Do you want to sit with us?'' One girl with choppy blonde hair greeted Deena and I and immediately invited us to hang out with them. I politely declined but motioned towards Deena. They nodded and smiled at her.

Deena seemed hesitant but she agreed nonetheless. She smiled at me thankfully and I nodded. I thanked the other girls and left, off to find the girls who hurt her. Of course, I knew who had done this.

The self-proclaimed 'popular girls' had done this too many times, and I knew I had to teach them a lesson. You could only go around hurting people so many times before someone noticed or tried to put a stop to it. Their cold, callous behaviour had to go.

Back in my day,-wow that makes me sound so old- we knew how to act, and although we were repressed we knew respect and courtesy. These modern times are so precious and are advancing quickly, but we seem to lose ourselves and our personalities, our kindness and sympathy just as quick. Of course, since I had lived through the old times, my opinion was based more on experience than evaluation.

I sped up as I heard those familiar high pitched giggles echoing around the corner. I turned the corner and watched them walk down the hallway, so carefree. It sickened me to see them act so innocent, as if they hadn't just done something so inconsiderate.

I walked up to them and tapped on one girl's shoulder. She stopped and she and her friends turned around, identical smirks adorning their faces. Their smiles dropped when they saw me and I felt the air become tense as they grew nervous.

''Sienna, Deborah, Bryanna'' I nodded in greeting. They shifted uncomfortably, almost as if they were regretful of their actions. I had never seen them so, so _human._ Although, what did I know about being human? Then I felt their auras and I knew that they weren't regretful, not one bit. They were fearful, they were _scared_ of me. I was disappointed, not only for their lack of emotion towards their actions, but also because they feared me.

''Hi, Raina. Was there something you needed?'' Deborah asked as she twirled a blonde lock around her finger- classic 'clueless blonde girl' look. She had always been so oblivious, even when I had been friends with them in the past. I guess time hadn't changed them much.

''Oh, cut the clueless act. Yet again you have insulted and belittled someone, all because of what? Do you think you're better than them? Are they somehow inferior to you, oh mighty ones?

''I know you don't care about anyone but yourselves, but you need to realise that there is more to life than hurting someone the first chance you get. These are people- real people you're hurting! They aren't robots! They have real feelings, real thoughts and their pain is just as real as anyone else's! I suggest you three get off your high _fucking_ horses. Get your head out of the clouds and see the real world for once!'' I ranted.

All of a sudden I was hit by a strong wave of anger coming from Bryanna. I was thoroughly confused, Sienna and Deborah were feeling embarrassed and scared, but what was so different about Bryanna?

''Oh, of course, Raina. We will all do your bidding, as you please. We wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, or god forbid, go against you!'' Bryanna retorted sarcastically. ''You speak so lowly of others, but what about yourself? Haven't you noticed your own heartless behaviour? Ignoring everyone isn't any better than hurting them! Girl, get your own head out of the clouds, just because you went through something so traumatic in your youth, doesn't mean you get to act superior!'' With that she walked away, Sienna and Deborah trailing after her hesitantly.

I was flustered, I had come here to fix her attitude and instead, she had thrown my words back at me! I huffed and made my way to the biology lab.

As I sat in my seat waiting for the bell to ring and class to start, I mulled over Bryanna's words. Did people really stay away from me because they didn't like me? I had always pinned it off to the venom warding them away but, now, it seemed like much more than that.

I had shut myself off years ago, losing _him_ was just too much for me and I felt as if I could trust no one. Up until now I had believed that everyone had forgotten about me but was it possible that I had been so cold that everyone disliked me?

I had purposefully isolated myself, made myself an outcast, so why did other people's opinions matter to me now? I was interrupted by the sounds of feet shuffling and looked up to see my classmates filtering in the room.

I shook my thoughts away and focused. I was a nobody, that was the way it had to be. Right?

I had to admit that I missed laughing and smiling freely. I missed having friends I could rely on. Most importantly, I missed my old life, I missed the old _me_.

That was when I came upon an epiphany. Losing _him_ shaped me today, but that didn't mean I had to be so uptight. That the people who loved me, wanted to help me.

I decided. Why not let them back in? Even if it was the smallest bit, what harm could befall me? I wouldn't let them know me completely, I could only afford some individuals that luxury. But being friends couldn't hurt, right?

* * *

 **That was Chapter 5! I spent a lot of time on this, making sure it was the best it could be for you guys, and for myself. After that long but very much needed break, it's going to take me some time to get back into this.**

 **See you next chapter!**

 **Please leave a review telling me what you think or any guesses!**


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